• resignation ("you can't have it all")
• complaint ("I'm the one who . . .")
• anger (the screaming doormat method of problem solving)

But they do not find a better situation because of

• their headstart and higher investment in their children and household ("he just doesn't do it as well as I do")
• inherited beliefs of what mothers and fathers can and should do ("women are just better at it than men")
• pre-conceived notions of how child and household care should be performed (also known as standards)
• a misconception that the universe of possible child care arrangements has already been determined ("everybody else is in the same boat")